Spring Cleaning
By: Claire Crowe LMSW
With the arrival of spring, we can honor the new season by evaluating what no longer works, so we can make room for something that helps us feel our best.
It’s been a long time since I was a little girl. When I was, I would shop at the Midland Mall with my mom, who would occasionally convince me to try on an outfit that matched her taste more than mine. Since she was buying lunch, I would cosplay whatever version she had in mind. At 41, there are still items of clothing in my closet meant for a version of me that doesn’t exist. As a therapist and a human, I know that holding onto things that don’t fit isn’t always contained to closets.
With the arrival of spring, we can honor the new season by evaluating what no longer works, so we can make room for something that helps us feel our best. Maybe a life event has rearranged some priorities, and you can no longer say yes in all the spaces you used to. A world event may have reorganized a belief or two, resulting in interactions with loved ones that pinch. Or maybe it’s the weekly conversation with your therapist that has helped you grow in ways you want to sustain, but don’t quite fit into the life you’ve built.
It’s ok to change. It’s ok to let go of the things that no longer make you feel your best. The field of therapy has come up with endless ways to contain aspects of the self that may be doing more harm than good. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) gives us language to name the predictable ways we start to think when we feel stressed, or depressed, or anxious (or all there). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) invites us to take leadership over our thoughts, allowing them to exist without steering the ship. From early thought leaders like Carl Jung, to emerging models like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), different models of therapy are taught through the use of archetypes. Archetypes are personified cognitive structures that may need to speak up or quiet down, depending on what the occasion calls for.
One strategy for removing mental clutter (with the strongest evidence base) comes from CBT, which has done the work of naming common thought patterns that tend to present when you’re under distress. These are called thought distortions. They’re the funhouse mirror of the mind. Taking neutral events and generating results that are upsetting. For example, if at the end of a long day, you notice that everything from your kid’s request to your partner’s breathing irritates you, you may have fallen prey to mental filtering, where every interaction gets paired with the ick. To combat, first notice the negative filter may be present. This gives you just enough time to say to yourself (bonus points if it's out loud) “I’m telling myself everything is awful. What might I be missing?”. This is a step towards overcoming your brain’s natural negativity bias and looking for pieces of the picture you may have missed.
ACT invites us to bring lightness and play to help our thoughts feel a bit more flattering. Physicality is one strategy for reducing the pain that comes from a particular thought, idea, or belief. To try it, hold your hand (representing a distressing thought) in front of your nose and see what you notice. It will mainly be skin and shadows. Now extend your arm and notice how the picture changes. You now get the full form of your hand plus all the interesting details that make up the space around it. You don’t have to get rid of all the things that don’t feel good, you just have to remember they’re part of something bigger.
Somatic and Attachment Focused EMDR is one of the many models that uses archetypes to represent parts of the self that may be overdeveloped and aren’t allowing space for other parts to shine. For example, if you identify with “The Rock” archetype, you may be excellent at being dependable, tolerating negativity, and enduring suffering, but you may have less of a clue about knowing what you need and asking for it. The new look here is to gently remind yourself that your wants and needs matter, and gradually start to experiment with getting those needs safely met.
Working with a therapist in Midland with the right training can help to find what model works the best for you. It’s often the connection with the therapist coupled with their clinical knowledge that creates the conditions for you to let go of what isn’t working and step into something new.
